Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword
~Oscar Wilde, The Ballad Of Reading Gaol
We really don’t like to see Harms in a chart because unlike a Clash, these are unforeseen events or the kind where the one you trusted is the one who stabbed you in the back. A Harm doesn’t just cause you a lot of trouble but also emotional pain. It can range from your wife sleeping with your best friend, your most trusted colleague bad mouthing you to the boss to out-seat you, money you entrusted to a family member squandered or a business deal with your best friend going sour. Regardless, it’s something you never saw coming.
Technically a Harm happens when you meet the animal sign that clashes your combination. For example. The Rat is best buddies with the Ox (Combination) but Goat clashes with Ox. So the person (Goat) who is against your best buddy (Ox) also becomes your silent enemy (Harm).
The theory says, if you already have a Harm in your natal chart, you are more likely to be the one being betrayed. If you don’t have any Harm in your chart but it comes in from an annual, luck pillar or another person, you are more likely to be the betrayer.
We never like seeing Harms because there’s nothing much we can do about it at all. You can’t prepare for something you can’t see in the first place. You can call it lessons, karma, maybe emotional training but it doesn’t make it any less painful to deal with. So what can you do if you’ve been on the receiving end?
How to Deal With Betrayal
- Acknowledge your hurt: Its okay to get angry and upset as long as you acknowledge it and not stay in denial.
- Don’t retaliate: There is really no need to react and lower yourself to their level.
- Take time away: Detach yourself from everyone, especially those you don’t trust, for awhile to gain some perspective.
- Examine the relationship: Try to take a step back to analyze what went wrong and how you can avoid it in the future.
- Speak to the person who betrayed you: When you’re ready, confront them to say your piece.
- Forgive and Cut ties with repeat offenders: The forgiveness is not for them but for yourself.
- Move on
“It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.
~ David Levithan